September 2009
17 posts
1 tag
WatchEvery Second of “Talk Dirty to Me” is Awesome
Poison’s music video for their first hit single, “Talk Dirty to Me,” might be the most amazing thing ever. Yeah, you heard me Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” - you can eat a big, hard one.
The reason its so incredible - every action, every second of time, every frame of film contains something that is totally boss.
Though...
1 tag
Fundraisin' Hell
(The auditorium of a middle school. MR. MARCOS runs on-stage, addressing the audience, which is filled with screaming kids.)
Mr. Marcos: Hello Milton F. Peabody Middle School! How are you kids doing today?!
(Kids cheer)
Marcos: Wow, you guys have a lot of energy. Your school is holding its annual fundraiser, and I’m here to tell you that you can help raise money for your school by...
1 tag
The Hypercube
(DAD walks onto stage, which is bare and black, lit by the stage lights.)
Dad: Susan are you home? (Enter SON and DAUGHTER) Hey kids, have you seen your mother anywhere? (They ignore him) Kids? I’m talking to you.
Son: Ugh, we’re ignoring you dad.
Dad: What for?
Son: We hate it here; why did we have to move?
Dad: Kids, I know moving was hard for you guys, but my job required that I...
1 tag
OCD Spider-Man
(Based on an idea by special guest star Asterios Kokkinos!)
(POLICE OFFICER is standing amidst a crime scene when suddenly SPIDER-MAN swings on to the stage.)
Policeman: Spider-Man! What do you think you’re doing here? This is a police investigation, we don’t need you around!
Spider-Man: I’ve been on the hunt for Doctor Octopus, just as long as you have sir. This is the third bank he’s...
1 tag
Life Lessons from Pro Wrestling
Lesson #3
“A friend in need - is a pest!”
- Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
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Time Travelin' Caligula
(THOMAS JEFFERSON is sitting at a desk. He has just finished writing the Declaration Independence, which is in his hand.)
Jefferson: This is some truly remarkable writing. I can only hope that King George will be as understanding, and grant our colonies the independence we so richly deserve.
(Suddenly, LIGHTING FX: Lightning. SOUND FX: Thunder. CALIGULA runs on stage.)
Jefferson: Who are...
1 tag
I Pay Enough to Go to This School!
(A recent survey was conducted to determine how currently enrolled college students are dealing with the stresses of trying to manage ever-increasing tuition with their academic studies. These results were compiled from a cross-section of students attending Occidental College.)
“I pay enough to go to this school, they should let me keep the mini-fridge in my room even if the RA...
1 tag
Tale of the Tape
(RING ANNOUNCER, is standing center-stage. JOHNNY BAXTER and BILL FUGMIPPLE, two boxers stand on either side of him. Both men are suited for action, juking-and-jiving, having their trainers tend to them.)
Ring Announcer: We are just a few hours away from one of the most anticipated matches in boxing history. The heavyweight champion of the world, Johnny “The Thunder” Baxter defends his title...
1 tag
Slow Day at Work
(BOBBY, a young clerk is standing behind a register at his job. He looks bored and exhausted. OSCAR, a gruff older man wobbles in; he is gray-haired and burly. Think Brian Dennehy or George C. Scott. Oscar takes a few moments to waddle around the store, looking around.)
Oscar (after a moment): How’s it going?
Bobby: Uh… alright I guess.
Oscar: Just “alright”? (chortles) Yeah, I bet no one...
1 tag
Health Class
(HARRIS, DAVE, KURT, MATT, DAN, JAKE, and JON are sitting in a classroom. Dave is intensely reading a text book. COACH KAYBOZ walks into the room.)
Matt: Coach Kayboz, what are you doing here?
Harris: And where are all the girls?
Coach: Eh uh pipe down. Today is a very special day of health class. Coach Vandykeowitz is with the girls; she’s teaching them how to put the, uh, tampons in their...
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Grey's Anatomy: The Board Game
(A living room. JON and JULIE are sitting on a couch, sipping on wine. JAKE and HARRIS are sitting on the floor. Everybody is smiling at GWEN, who is sitting in DAVE’s lap. The two have their arms around each other.)
Julie: So Dave, Gwen tells me that things between you two are going really well.
Dave: Yeah; the past three weeks have been great. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I must be doing...
1 tag
Dave's New Girlfriend
(DAVE and SARAH, are sitting on a couch. They are sipping glasses of wine, laughing and looking at each other longingly. Soft, romantic music is playing in the background.)
Sarah: Dave, I’m having a really nice time.
Dave: Me too. You’re the first normal girl I’ve been out with in awhile.
(Sarah laughs.)
Sarah: Well that’s good to know, I would hate to ruin this date.
Dave: I don’t think...
1 tag
Eliza Dushku and Count Dooku Play Sudoku
(Based on an idea by special guest John Ford!)
(Lights up on ELIZA DUSHKU and COUNT DOOKU playing sudoku on stage. Eliza: Yo, I think we should put an 8 right there, Count Dooku. Count: Yes, but we must be weary of the Jedi, Eliza Dushku. Eliza: Dang, that doesn’t work. We’ll never solve this sudoku. (GOKU enters) Goku: Maybe I can help? Eliza, Count (simultaneous): What are you...
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Life Lessons from Pro Wrestling
Lesson #2
“There’s two things you can do about it*: nothing and like it!”
- The Fabulous Freebirds
*it = losing
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The Classiest Sketch Ever.
(SEBASTIEN & DIANE, BRADLEY & BIANCA, and ESTEBAN are sitting around a coffee table sipping wine. The fireplace is lit, and the lights are dim. Chopin is playing in the background, softly.)
Bradley: Diane, I can’t say it enough: that was a truly wonderful dinner.
(Everyone agrees.)
Diane: Oh thank you, I was worried that the duck was too dry.
Sebastien: Not all darling; and...
1 tag
Passive Aggressive Bum Fight
(Two homeless man are standing on stage holding plates of food.)
Announcer: And now its time for “Passive-Aggressive Bum Fights” volume 13 – the shocking video series that America doesn’t want you to see!
Jasper: Losing my family, my house, and all my money – I never thought I’d have a decent meal again. Abe, we are so lucky that Saint Mary’s took us in for the holiday.
Abe: You can...
2 tags
Law and Order: Special XMas Unit
(Lights up. SFX CUE: “Law and Order” Bumper. DETECTIVES MELONI and NICHOLS are standing in a police interrogation room.)
Nichols: Are you sure you want to handle this?
Meloni: Look every minute we waste is another minute that this pervert goes un-punished.
Nichols: Elliot – go home. See your wife and kids. You haven’t given yourself a break; I don’t want you to fall apart.
...