My Wallet Was Stolen. I Would Like It Back.
I don’t know if you realized this, but my wallet contained my money and credit cards. I need those!
It was a nice wallet too. It was a confirmation present from my uncle, Donald. Yeah, that’s right: I’ve had that wallet for eight years. Plus, I just added a picture of my lovely girlfriend, Sheila, to the wallet. The guys at work haven’t seen her yet and that was the only proof she exists; now what am I going to do?
I haven’t been able to rent any DVDs from the Video Hut because I don’t have my wallet (it had my membership card *and* my driver’s license). I’ve been waiting forever to watch “The Usual Suspects” but it’s always checked out. Sure enough, I walk in to the Hut on Friday (just browsing - to take my mind off the wallet) and there it is sitting on the display rack!
I also kept this old fortune from a fortune cookie, in the side pouch. It made me feel special; it said something about my blooming artistic ability. Unfortunately I can’t remember the exact quote - because my wallet was stolen!
I also kept my library card in my wallet. I can replace that, but its such a hassle.
Let’s work out a deal: Give me my wallet back. As soon as possible.
We’ll just forget the whole thing ever happened. We’re two grown adults… I think. I don’t actually know who you are. Also, when exactly did you steal my wallet?
So in conclusion: I want my wallet back. I want the picture of Sheila, the Video Hut rental card, my driver’s license, the old fortune, and the library card (but if that one is lost, I will manage without it). I would also like my money and credit cards back, please.
This wallet was not even yours to begin with! What are you going to do with two wallets?
Thank you for listening. Sorry to interrupt your dinner.
- Marty Bindlefegamin
