Gypsy Swing - The Lost Woody Allen Movie
(Despite his prolific track-record, fans have always been mystified by the unproduced work of film-maker Woody Allen, most notably a romantic comedy from the first half of his career known as “Gypsy Swing.” Written sometime between “Play It Again Sam” and “Manhattan,” little is still known about the project.
Here now is a sample of that work in its original format.)
EXT. – MANHATTAN STREET – NEXT DAY
(MURRAY is walking down the street with SAMUEL, his taller, well-dressed, handsome gentile friend.)
MURRAY
And then she thought we should stop there. So I went back to my apartment for the night. I’m amazed I haven’t caught pneumonia from the cold showers I’ve been taking.
SAMUEL
Hmm, you’re driving yourself crazy over her. I think you need to see an analyst.
MURRAY
Of course, I’m driving myse… I asked you to meet with me because I needed some advice. I was looking for sage wisdom and instead I’m wasting my time listening to an echo. And a better looking one at that.
SAMUEL
I’m just saying, my friend Pat Montgomery could probably fit you in for an appointment on Friday.
MURRAY
(sighs)
I can’t do this anymore! You’re no help at all. I need a better class of friends!
EXT. – MANHATTAN STREET – MOMENTS AGO
(MURRAY is walking down the same street, beginning from the starting point of the previous conversation. He is walking with SIGMUND FREUD, looking professionally dressed and smoking a cigar.)
MURRAY
Thank you for meeting with me, Sigmund.
FREUD
Not a problem, I have to be back in Vienna for a patient who suffers from manic hysteria, but that’s not until after lunch. So why do you think Alice is progressing so slowly with you?
MURRAY
I just don’t know. I think she likes me. I hope she likes me. I don’t get why she is acting the complete opposite from when she used to be with Danny.
FREUD
Why do you define your relationship with Alice, based on her previous relationship with Danny? Do you still feel threatened by him?
MURRAY
Of course I’m threatened by Danny.
FREUD
But he’s out of her life. He lives in California-
MURRAY
(interrupting)
Yeah, and he’s probably making a million dollars for writing a dirty limerick.
FREUD
But you’re still in New York, you’re still writing. What do you have to be threatened about?
MURRAY
Listen, the man could not keep his mouth shut about anything or anyone. He talked even if you didn’t ask. He probably would have become best friends with McCarthy before the waiter took their order. And when he knew Alice, all he could talk about was their wild adventures together. She was exciting. She was probably an international fugitive. Danny said she “ached with passion.” He actually used the word “passion” The only time I’ve ever been close to passion is when I accidentally walked into a church on Good Friday; I was looking for a place to pick up batteries.
FREUD
Perhaps Alice still has passion, but it is now on a deeper, more cerebral level.
MURRAY
Or maybe she’s just bored with me. Danny’s legacy is impressive. Believe me, I roomed with him. Through the wall, I could hear everything. I think Bach was inspired to write the “Well Tempered Pelvis” based on Danny’s gyrations.
FREUD
I think you have something that is more important to Alice: trust.
MURRAY
And trust is good, but lust is the best. I don’t think she has any lust for me. She probably just keeps me around because she needs a eunuch to hold her coat at dinner parties.
(MURRAY stops in the middle of the sidewalk.)
MURRAY
(continued)
I need to know right now: does she want me or not? And if she’s just using me, then it’s over… well maybe she can use me a little bit more, but after that it’s definitely over.
(He turns around, intent to walk to Alice’s apartment, but FREUD grabs him by the arm.)
FREUD
No, you must let your relationship progress naturally. You cannot force definitions too soon or you will push her away. There is great reward in patience.
(FREUD forces MURRAY to continue walking with him.)
FREUD
(continued)
Allow her to decide when you two shall be intimate together. Once she has revealed herself to you on that level, then you can begin to communicate in a much more direct manner.
MURRAY
Are you sure?
FREUD
The post-coital conversation is one of the most refreshing, revealing discourses two people can have.
MURRAY
Really? Because after-sex conversation has always felt like we’re the survivors of nuclear fallout. We’re panicked, just trying to figure out where do we go from here? (begins rubbing his temple in frustration) Ugh. You know part of me wishes her and Danny never broke up. My relationship with Alice was so much easier back then; the most difficult decision to make was what time we were going to see “The Grand Illusion.”
FREUD
Murray, all you ever want is a girl who will go to the movies with you.
MURRAY
Yeah because then I know I’ll at least have something to talk about. Maybe I should give Loretta another call. At least I knew Loretta was into me.
FREUD
Eh… Loretta wouldn’t know what to do with a penis if it hit her in the face.
(CUT.)
