Dave’s New Girlfriend
(DAVE and SARAH, are sitting on a couch. They are sipping glasses of wine, laughing and looking at each other longingly. Soft, romantic music is playing in the background.)
Sarah: Dave, I’m having a really nice time.
Dave: Me too. You’re the first normal girl I’ve been out with in awhile.
(Sarah laughs.)
Sarah: Well that’s good to know, I would hate to ruin this date.
Dave: I don’t think that’s possible.
(They slide closer to one another on the couch.)
Sarah: You seem confident that this date is going to end well.
Dave: I’m confident about a lot of things.
(Sarah slides even closer to Dave.)
Sarah: Okay Mr. Big Shot, on a scale of 1 to 10, how awesome… is “Swordfish”?
Dave (taking a moment to process the question): You mean like the food?
Sarah (giggling): No, silly. The movie.
Dave: That action movie with John Travolta?
Sarah: Yeah. On a scale of 1 to 10, how awesome is “Swordfish.”
Dave: Uh – like a 2!
Sarah: I see.
(Sarah slides away from Dave.)
Sarah: Hey Dave, can I see your gun for a minute.
Dave: Sure.
(Dave pulls out a gun, and gives it to Sarah. She looks at it, then quickly shoots Dave before he can react.)
Sarah: 1 down, 60 million stupid assholes who don’t like “Swordfish” to go.
BLACK OUT.
— Or—
Dave: Uh – like a 2!
Sarah: I see.
(Sarah slides away from Dave.)
Sarah: Hey Dave, can I see your gun for a minute.
(Dave begins to pull out a gun, but quickly stops.)
Dave: No, you’re just going to shoot me!
BLACK OUT.
